I appreciate that Moses speaks the king's language.... as you can see, I just watched The Ten Commandments.... Charlton ain't no punk. Well, you know, today's been quite a nice day, thanks in a great deal to last night. Nothing extraordinary happened, just a conversation with friends that helped me to actually think about something that's been on my mind, rather than have it just sit there like a bump on a log.
There are really a couple of things that have been/are on my mind. Things such as: 1) If it is true that you can see the spiritual state of someone's heart by how they spend their money, how much money is okay to spend on yourself? 2) Why is it always the case that when I try to eliminate my tendency to be stupid, I just fall into legalism and I'm not that happy of a person? 3) Whether or not Stranger than Fiction is a good/great movie because Harold Crick survives?... It's these kind of questions.... Speaking of Stranger than Fiction, I found a quote from it that seems to pertain to this Easter weekend:
"Because it's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die. And then dies. But if a man does know he's about to die and dies anyway. Dies- dies willingly, knowing that he could stop it, then- I mean, isn't that the type of man who you want to keep alive?"..... well sister, I'm here to tell you... He IS alive, and forever will be.
So... I almost abandoned this post because I was approached writer's block... and then I thought, "I'm writing a blog...is writer's block actually possible?" The answer being "no," it's a blog... silly me. But I think that shows a part of my character, my prideful, vain, odd character. I'm writing a blog, and I get writer's block because I can't think of anything to write that's interesting or entertaining. A blog is just supposed to be somewhere that I can pour my pointless thoughts, and yet, I still want to please people, even in my pointless thoughts, like I want people to think that even in my times of empty wonderings, I spit wise sayings, comical anecdotes, insightful thoughts on life, and various other things fit for quoting on fortune cookies. I find it somewhat funny, in a depressing way.... that's how much pride I've got penned up. I try to pose as if I'm interesting all the time. Unfortunately, I'm not. I'm actually quite the bore. I don't drink beer often (at all), I can't speak Russian in French, and I actually prefer water (shameless reference to pop culture). If you don't believe me, though I don't know why you wouldn't believe me because there's a good chance that I have in fact bored you this very day, hour, even minute, just take a quick glance over this paragraph: I wrote about having writer's block on a blog... a BLOG... which, now that I think of it, is kinda paradoxical: having writer's block (on a blog, mind you), so I write about having writer's block. That actually raises the question, did I actually have writer's block? I'll leave that for you to decide.
Back to my #2 thought, it seems as if whenever I try to be responsible and remove sin from my life myself, I only fail...go figure... But how can that be? I can see so clearly, I think, my sinfulness, and when I try to take action into my own hands, I only screw things up. I recognize that my foot has the uncanny ability of jumping into my mouth, note the gymnastic talent, and when attempt to correct this, as I desire to serve the Lord by not be static in my sanctification, I find that when my foot exits and my mouth seems most free, my sin only stops it up and I cannot even open it to a little ptL-ing. This is the issue I run into when I take sanctification into my own hands...which is frustrating to say the least. I don't want to be lazy, and yet self-action is not the answer either.
Faith, faith, faith faith faith.... I cannot comprehend thee.
What an interesting issue to have: frustrated with knowing that you are completely horrible with being a good person, thus frustrated with the thing that makes it possible for you not to be such a horrible person at being a good person, because that thing you're frustrated with is not contingent upon you; your struggling actually only solidifies the reason for and strengthens the case that if you ever hope to be a good person, you better realize that you can't be a good person, but it's okay (well, for those upon whom grace is shown) that you are a horrible person because it's not about you not being a horrible person; it's about that thing which is completely not dependent upon your ability to be good, because you can't be good. It's all very entangling. Which is kind of a great way to describe it, considering John 15 (the whole Vine business, and what not).
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